Searching for People – When is the Right Time?

Like many of us, perhaps you have someone missing from your life. It could be as a result of an adoption, foster care situation, divorce, moving to another town, a dispute, or simply because you lost touch with each other over the years. Regardless of why you are not in contact with an important person in your life, it is imperative to consider whether it is the right time to initiate a search.

Before looking for someone, consider your own current emotional state. Are your emotions so raw and vulnerable that you would be dysfunctional and distressed during the search? Are you prepared to handle the situation and the possible results, both positive and negative, if the person you are looking for is found? Have you considered that even if you find the person, they may not wish to be located or contacted? How will you feel once you find the person and have you anticipated your reaction and theirs? These are a few of the questions you need to ask yourself prior to searching for a lost person.

Having a support network is essential before initiating a search for a person. You should have a good friend or family member who can discuss ideas, feeling and results with you along the way. Just having a supportive person to bounce off can be reassuring during a stressful time and allow you essential opportunities to vent.

If you do not have a trusted friend or family member to confide in, consider joining an online support group to air your feelings and share the experiences of others in similar situations. Groups such as AdoptionOpenRecords2 at MSN Groups give you an opportunity to make contact with people you can relate with during this sensitive period in your life.

If you are feeling particularly vulnerable and anxious about finding a person, you should discuss your thoughts with a counsellor. Sometimes locating someone from your past can bring up difficult emotions, such as fear, love, anger or guilt. Your feelings are valid and you should share them with a trained professional prior to initiating your search for a lost person. Issues from your past need to be properly worked out before you start to find someone in the present.

Further, feeling needy is never the right reason to start searching for someone. Perhaps circumstances in your life have caused you to focus more on your past, such as a recent personal disappointment or loss. Your current circumstances need to be resolved to ensure that you are not looking for a lost person to try to fulfill some other deficit in your life. Finding someone from your past will not resolve the feelings caused by circumstances in your present. For example, trying to locate your school sweetheart because of the pain a recent breakup may not the best reason to initiate a search. Take your time, get over your current stress and then consider whether you really want to find someone from your past or whether you were just looking for a way to feel better. It is never suitable to seek someone when you are emotionally unstable because your neediness will be evident and could even deter the person you wanted to reunite with.

Always consider the feelings of the person you are trying to find. Do they really want to be found? Will they be happy you initiated a search or will you cause them harm or distress? Although it does not always turn out to be the case, you should at least suspect that the person you want to find would appreciate being located. Perhaps they have started a new life and if you showed up, it could cause strain for them in their current situation. Be considerate of the person you want to find, as well as the world they may have created for themselves.

It is also essential to discuss finding a lost person with the people you currently share your life with. Perhaps making contact with that long lost love from your school days would cause your husband and children to feel insecure and unhappy. Or maybe your adoptive parents did not anticipate your desire to look up your natural family and should be prepared for the possibility. Although the final decision to locate a person remains your own, try to be thoughtful toward the feelings of the people in your current world. If they do not agree with your search, you still need to be open and honest about your intentions. After all, the possibility adding a new person or people to your life affects everyone else who is close to you.

Finally, if you need to find someone for legal purposes, employ a professional to handle the search and your legal affairs. Legal issues can be tricky and it is best to consult with a solicitor and an investigator prior to attempting to handle them yourself.

Once you have considered your motives and timing, you are ready to find that person you miss. Although tracing a long lost person can be time-consuming and painstaking, the results could be the joy of that desired reunion with someone special. Consider the benefits of employing a skilled genealogist and investigator to simplify your people search and act as an essential buffer for organizing your reunion.

Searching for People – The First Contact Letter

You have decided to search for that special someone. The person may be a family member, former friend, colleague from the past or a neighbor who moved away years ago. No matter whom you are searching for, it is sure to be an emotional experience for everyone when you locate the person. When you find the person, a contact letter is the best way to make that initial connection.

Remember, although you may have been seeking that certain special someone for months, they are probably completely unaware of your search. The long lost person may be anxious to even view your name, never mind hear your voice or see you in person. In cases of adoption, the birth parent may be remarried with additional children and require time to personally adjust to the idea and discuss the situation with family members. When a feud has occurred, there may be unresolved feelings of anger, sadness or guilt. Even in situations where you parted in a friendly fashion with a former mate, the person needs to grow accustomed to your desire to reunite. Making a telephone call or turning up at someones door could alarm the person and even puts them off. A letter informs the person you are looking for and allows them to get used to your possible presence.

The content of your letter should be light, considerate and upbeat. You may have more than one address for the name of the person you are searching for, so keep in mind that the letter might be sent to several people. The letter and envelope should be handwritten and the exterior of the envelope should be marked “Personal” on the top left hand corner. Also include a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a reply. Make a master list of the addresses you are sending the letter to and number them. On the inside flap of the return envelope, lightly print each number so that you know who has replied. An example of a suitable letter is:

Dear ***,

Please excuse my writing to you out of the blue, but I am searching for my father ***. I am sending this letter to all the people with that name that I can locate.

If you happen to be the *** I am looking for, please reply by using the self-addressed envelope enclosed. I am happy and well, but think of you often. I hope we can correspond and perhaps meet up at your convenience. I would love to learn more about you and hear the latest news.

If you are not the *** I am looking for, I am sorry to disturb you, but I would greatly appreciate if you could return my letter in the envelope provided so that I can strike you off my list.

Thank you so much. I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Such a letter is an honest, non-threatening way of making the initial contact. The letter provides basic information about you and your intentions, which will make the recipient feel more comfortable. Further, if the recipient is not the intended party, it serves as a polite request to garner a response so you can take them off your list.

Sending such a letter can start a new adventure for you and the long lost person. Let go of any preexisting fantasies and expectations, take your time and keep it pleasant. Appearing needing and trying to jump into a new relationship could sabotage your chances of building a real rapport with that special someone.

An investigator and genealogist is trained in the techniques of locating missing people and organizing reunions. Employing a skilled professional as a mediator saves time, energy and yields better results because they know where and how to look for someone. Additionally, they have developed essential people skills that make them sensitive enough to effectively make initial contact with that long lost person. Having trained mediator could ensure a successful meeting with that special someone.

Searching For People, Planning a Reunion and the First Meeting

You have been searching for the special someone for a while and finally got results. Now that long awaited moment of planning your first meeting has arrived. Remember, the initial contact is extremely important because it sets the tone for any further communication and reunion. Using consideration and timing are key elements to organizing a successful first meeting.

Prior to finding that long lost person, think about why you parted in the first place and where the person may be in their life now. For former mates, let go of any fantasies from the past and attempt to place yourself and this person in the present. If you parted as the result of a dispute, let go of anger and other such useless emotions before initiating contact. If you will be meeting a long lost family member for the first time, let go of sadness or guilt to ensure a positive first experience. In situations involving adoptions, the long lost person's family may not even know of your existence so time, understanding and patience is required on your behalf. Have no expectations for your new relationship and take it lightly. Appearing needy or anxious could scare off the person you want to reunite with.

The best way to make your initial contact is with a non-threatening letter that could not be misunderstood in any way. Let the person know who you are, how to contact you and that you would like to set up a meeting to reacquaint yourselves. Sending such a carefully crafted letter allows the person an opportunity to digest the fact that you found them and want to make contact. Remember, simply seeing your name on a letter could arouse a plethora of emotions for the person that they need to work out before they meet with you. A letter gives the person time to handle their personal feelings and communicate to the people in their life about a possible reunion with you. Time is of the essence and the initial contact cannot be rushed. A letter is the preferred means of contact because making telephone calls and showing up in person could frighten that someone special and cause them to resist contact altogether. Have patience and allow the person a chance to get used to the idea of reuniting with you.

The first meeting should occur on neutral territory as opposed to someones home. Get together at a public place, such as a park or restaurant, where emotions need to be kept to a minimum and you can escape if it gets uncomfortable. The reunion does not need to encompass hours. Rather, the first meeting should be brief, pleasant and noncommittal. If everything goes well when you get together, you can plan to meet again. Remember, you are getting to know each other all over again and building a new relationship, which takes time, patience and effort. Be pleasant and do not pressure or overwhelm that special someone because a positive first encounter could be the beginning of a great, long-term rapport with the person.

Contact is best left to professionals who have experience dealing with delicate reunion negotiations. Employing a trained investigator and genealogist not only helps you to find that special someone, but allows you to use a mediator to establish contact once the person is found. It is often difficult for you to put yourself in the shoes of the person you are contacting since you are sure to be emotionally charged during this time. An impartial mediator has the skill and sensitivity to effectively communicate with all parties and ensure a smooth reunion process. Also, when you enlist the services of a mediator, you can use their address as a neutral means of communicating during those tense initial stages.

Having an investigator and genealogist conduct research and communicate on your behalf can mean the difference between starting a new, meaningful relationship with that long lost person or never meeting with that special someone at all.

Searching for People and the Value of Using a Mediator

After exploring your motives and timing, you have decided you want to search for that long lost family member or friend. There are many reasons we lose touch with people who are important to us, so planning a reunion can be emotional or even volatile. Employing a skilled professional investigator and genealogist to act as a mediator during your initial dealings with an estranged person can make the difference between a positive first contact and an unsuccessful one.

You should first consider why this person is missing from your life. Is it because of an adoption? Perhaps your birth parents have remarried and have additional children, or maybe they have physical or emotional problems that made them unable to assume their role as parents. Was there a family feud? It is possible the person still has unresolved feelings of anger or sadness. Are you missing a long lost family member or mate? Consider why you lost touch, what the person may be doing now and if you would be welcome or a disturbing presence in their life. Also, make sure to examine your personal feelings and whether you can really handle the reaction you get when this person finds out you want to get in touch with them.

Depending on your unique circumstances, having a reunion with a long lost person can be emotional and even traumatic. Prepare for a possible reunion by letting go of any personal expectations and fantasies before they can harm the new relationship. If you keep it pleasant and light, you can avoid frightening or alienating the person you want to contact. By enlisting the services of an investigator and genealogist to assist you with locating someone, they will also be available to act as a mediator during the critical initial contacts with that long lost person.

It is important to consider that no matter how cautiously you approach contacting a person you located, just the mention of your name could make them nervous. Using a mediator as a go-between gives the person you wish to reunite with a chance to absorb the concept that you are looking for them. After all, just hearing about you could stir up a plethora of emotions and memories for the person. Furthermore, the person may want to discuss the possibility of meeting you with their family and friends before responding to your inquiry and re-establishing contact.

Another benefit of using a mediator is that the investigator's address and telephone number can be used as non-threatening preliminary means of contact. By using a mediator, you protect everyone's privacy and afford the person you are searching for the opportunity to consider and prepare for a possible reunion. If all initial contacts go smoothly, you all may decide to share personal contact information and take it from there on your own. Remember to take it slow, not expect too much at first and consider meeting at a neutral location where everyone will feel comfortable.

Mediators have been trained in the necessary skills to effectively locate someone and make the initial contact with tact and sensitivity. Because you are personally involved in the situation, getting in touch with that long lost person can be difficult and even traumatic. A mediator, although sensitive to everyone's needs, is also an impartial, experienced professional who knows how to properly approach reunion situations. The mediator can smooth over a difficult reunion by diplomatically communicating with both parties and easing the tension. On the other hand, a mediator can also communicate to you if it is better to refrain from contacting someone and the reasons why.

In order for a reunion to be successful, both parties need to have patience and understanding. A great deal of time and effort can go into locating someone and setting up that first meeting effectively. A professional mediator will make the difficult reunion process easier for all parties involved. A mediator, because of their background and expertise, can even be successful in setting up a meeting with someone who may have otherwise declined. An impartial third party can make all the difference between having a fulfilling encounter with a long lost person or never making positive contact at all.

Searching for People and the Right Motives

There are many reasons why people lose touch with each other and possibly even more reasons why they want to reconnect. You may have a long lost family member or friend, seek to find your adoptive parents or need to locate the beneficiary of a will. On the other hand, you may be looking for a former flame or a person who has done you wrong. So what are the right reasons for looking for a person?

Before deciding to search for someone, it is important to ask yourself two questions:

• Does this person want to be found?
• What are my motives?

Asking yourself if the person wants to be found certainly forces you to examine your motivations for attempting to find them. No matter what your intentions, if you feel the person does not want to be found, carefully consider their desires and reaction before initiating such a search. There are numerous positive personal reasons to look for people, such as:

• locate long-lost family members, such as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins
• trace your decedents, explore your family history and even develop a family tree
• find old friends and former classmates, military colleagues or business associates
• search for natural parents or children, which can be a delicate matter despite good intentions
• legal and probate tracing for purposes such as finding beneficiaries of wills, pensions and policies.

Certain searches for people should not be initiated because of poor motives and the negative results that could occur. Such searches should not be conducted if you feel finding the person could cause them serious harm or distress. Reasons you should not seek someone out include:

• retribution, such as a family feud where you seek to “make things right” with another person
• revenge, when you look for someone to get back at them for some alleged wrongdoing or “make it right”
• obsession, where you feel a person has not given you the proper attention in response to your desires and you want to make them share your emotions
• neediness, when you are feeling lonely or unstable, life has let you down and you “need” something or someone in your life.

A competent investigator and genealogist can help you decide whether your motivations for searching for someone are appropriate and how to go about finding them if they are. In cases where your motives are questionable, a qualified investigator will refuse to conduct your search. After all, those seeking retribution or revenge could get angry, confrontational and even commit criminal acts against the person they have located. Further, an obsessive person seeking out a former flame could be considered a stalker, which is another criminal act. Trying to find someone for the wrong reasons will most likely elicit a negative response from the person and could even get you into legal trouble.

Remember, there are certain situations that require legal intervention, including criminal acts or a missing family member. In these cases, the police should be contacted immediately.

The rewards of locating a person for the right reasons are countless. Genealogists and investigators revel in the joy of bringing together long lost family members and friends. Furthermore, a sensitive people searcher can smooth the way toward a peaceful, happy reunion by acting as an impartial liaison during the initial contact phase. In legal matters, investigators have the resources to locate the correct person and contact them discreetly about the issues at hand. If you are looking for someone for the right reasons, employing the assistance of a skilled investigator and genealogist will minimize your stress and help make your dream come true.

Searching for People and the Investigative Mind

Searching for someone is a process that actually occurs in layers. First of all, you gather and assemble all the information possible about the person you want to find. Next, you visit resources and online message boards to search for additional tidbits about the person, as well as post your own details and desires. Finally, once you put together as many facts as you can, you need to have an investigative mind to continue effectively with your search.

Of course, at the core of an investigative mind is good old-fashioned common sense and the ability to pay attention to details. If you have the person's name and last known address, a good place to start is the telephone book or InfoSpace. Although such a search could yield many results under the same name, one of them could be the person you are looking for. This is where common sense comes in – such as which one of the people resides closest to the long lost person's last known address or hometown? Listing results in order of probability gets you one step closer to locating the person you are searching for.

Another way to find someone is by doing an online search at web sites such as Google or Alta Vista. You may find links to the person you are looking for, or to others that are looking for the same person and may have relevant facts you do not.

Make sure you have spoken to everyone you know who might have any information about the person you are seeking. What seems to be an irrelevant anecdote could actually hold the key to locating that special someone. Jot down notes when you talk to people so that you do not miss any details along the way. A review of these notes later on could offer a pertinent piece to your puzzle, so keep careful records of conversations. Always ask the people you speak with if they know anyone else who could be helpful and try to get names and contact details so that you can talk to them.

When you speak with people you do not know, use your best discretion and act like an investigator. Approach the person cautiously and use subtle tactics to encourage them to open up to you, such as mentioning the person's name who recommended you contact them or an anecdote about the person you are looking for. Be creative and even use believable stories, but never pretend you are a member of law enforcement – that's against the law.

After exploring your personal resources, speaking to everyone available and posting on online message boards, consider perusing public records for information. The Family Records Centre in London has volumes filled with births, deaths and marriages. Exploring public records could yield additional information, such as a current name and address, about the person you are looking for.

If you are attempting to locate someone, you should be easy to find, too. Make sure you are listed in the telephone book. Post details about yourself and the person you are searching for at online message boards. Consider creating a personal web site to make it easier to locate you through an Internet search. Perhaps the person is looking for you on his or her own accord or because they heard you are searching for them, so make yourself available.

As you can see, a great deal of time, effort and research is required to effectively search for someone you want to find. Also, once you find the person they may be hesitant or scared to even speak to you. Consider employing a skilled investigator and genealogist to assist you with your efforts. A trained professional knows has specialized research experience and the ability to use information that may seem meaningless to you. Further, an investigator and genealogist can act as a mediator once that special someone has been located. Having a go-between who knows how to handle these sensitive situations can mean the difference between a successful reunion or never getting to meet with that long lost person.

By combining some elementary investigative skills of your own with the superior capabilities of an experienced investigator and genealogist, you are well on your way to finding that someone special.

Searching for People Using Internet Message Posting Sites

So you have made the decision to search for that long lost family member, friend or colleague, but where to you start? Using Internet message posting sites designated to help people find each can help you find who you are looking for, as well as make it easier for the person to locate you. Perhaps the other person is looking for you at the same time you are searching for them and using an online message-posting site can make a connection.

The most widely used reunion site is Friends Reunited.com, with 5,000 new members registered on average each day and a total of over 12 million people currently registered. You can look up former schoolmates, friends from university, colleagues and neighbors at this site as well as post information about yourself, such as your name, text about your current life and photographs. The minimum contact information you are required to leave on the majority of message boards is your email address. Other message posting sites include Reunion.com, roastbeef.co.uk, who-remembers-me.com, modreunited.com and myoldmate.net. When you post your details on such sites, you may also want to include the name of the person you are looking for so that a Google search might bring someone to the page. In fact, performing a Google search using the long lost person's name could yield some pertinent information about the person.

If you are looking for a former university mate, try checking out your former school's web site to see if they have an alumni association. Certain universities, such as the University of Nottingham and the University of Westminster, have specialized alumni sites where you can register yourself and look for others. By performing a simple Google search, you can search for your university's web site to see if it has a message board. You may also find web sites with message boards for private schools and halls of residence by doing a Google search.

You may not be seeking a former schoolmate but rather someone you encountered during another phase of your life. For example, if you were a member of the military, there are specialized message boards designed to locate long lost companions, such as ComradesandColleagues.com and ForcesReunited.org. Around.co.uk is a site that can help you look through a variety of different databases for schools and military services, as well as search for family members and create your own family tree.

For those specifically seeking lost family members, Ancestry.com allows you to post details about yourself, peruse their message boards for information and find missing links to your family tree. At FamilySearch.org you can search for family members and share your own information. Further, there will soon be a web site for people who have been adopted or fostered to help them find friends and colleagues in the care system at lostandfind.co.uk. Finally, the comprehensive site Missing-You.net contains message boards to search missing persons, reunions, adoptions, armed forces and genealogy.

The relevancy of message boards is that you are putting yourself and your intentions “out there”. This means if someone is searching for you, it makes it easier for them to find you. If someone is searching for the same person and an online search reveals your information, you may be able to share pertinent details that help to locate the person. Networking on message boards is a great way to gather additional information toward your search.

Although message boards are extremely useful in getting additional facts and making yourself known, they are no substitute for a qualified investigator and genealogist. An investigator and genealogist can take the information you have and really put it to good use to locate the person you want to find. Once an investigator finds the person, they become an integral part of making initial contact and effectively setting up a reunion. When you find they person, it may be initially surprising or even distressing for them. A skilled professional acting as a mediator can mean the difference between making a connection and never having that desired reunion.

Searching for People and Hiring the Right Person for the Job

Searching for a long lost person can be time-consuming, painstaking and emotionally charged. Hiring a professional investigator and genealogist to conduct the search and set up the initial contact is the best way to ensure a positive reunion with that special someone. But how do you find the right person for the job?

A skilled private investigator and genealogist can help you obtain the answers you are looking for and should be an experienced professional with a high-quality reputation and outstanding business ethics. Ask friends, family members, colleagues or your lawyer for a referral and the inside scoop about their experiences. By questioning others, you can find out if the investigator would be suitable for your needs.

Another way to find an investigator or genealogist is to check associations related to their profession, such as the Association of British Investigators (ABI) or the Association of Genealogists and Researchers in Archives (AGRA). Both ABI and AGRA have a code of practice and related requirements that need to be understood and fulfilled prior to establishing membership as a professional investigator or genealogist. Fundamental qualifications include being honest, scholarly and professional in research and methods as well as have discretion in relations with clients, the public and the profession. Knowing that the professional you hire adheres to a code of practice ensures that you have enlisted the assistance of a responsible professional who can handle the challenge and delicacy of a people search.

Other places to look for recommendations for an investigator include counsellors' association, insurance companies and members of the clergy. Because these people deal with sensitive personal issues everyday, they may know the name of a competent investigator.

Once you have the name of an investigator and genealogist you would like to contact, consider your budget. Knowing how much you have to spend and being honest about it will help you find the right investigator to initiate your search. Even if you find an investigator who is willing to work with you financially, be prepared for the fact that a retainer is usually required before any work will commence.

Next, gather all the information you can about the person you are searching for, including:

• full name and former names
• date or birth or approximate age
• the last contact with the person
• last known address for the person, along with any previous addresses, including their home town
• names of family members and close friends
• names of schools and colleges attended
• names of places of business
• hobbies and other pertinent personal information.

Having background facts organized in a binder along with photographs will give an investigator and genealogist the basic tools they need to work from.

When you meet with the investigator and genealogist with your binder of facts, consider how comfortable you feel while speaking with them. Since good communication is a key element to the investigation, you need to feel at ease when you talk with the person you intend to hire. Also, keep in mind that the investigator and genealogist is a trained professional with their own ideas for exploration so you need to remain open minded to suggestions. Discuss results of similar cases they have dealt with and engage in meaningful conversation about your unique needs. When asked what makes a good investigator, Peter Heims of the Association of British investigators replied, “Patience, common sense and tenacity are the important qualities.” Keep those qualities in mind during your interview with a potential investigator and genealogist.

Because hiring an investigator and genealogist is your first step toward finding that special someone and your best resource for a successful search.

Searching for a Person – Where Do You Start?

You have made the decision to find that long lost friend or family member. Maybe you lost touch over the years and would like to see how the person is. Perhaps you come from an adoption or foster care situation and seek to meet your natural parents. Or it could be you need to locate a person who is a witness or beneficiary in a legal matter. No matter what your reason for finding a person, the question is – where do you start? You will be amazed at what you already know and the relevancy of keeping accurate records of facts gathered along the way.

The first thing you need to do is carefully review what you already know. Such facts you have about the person may include:

• full name and any other names may they have been known by in the past
• date of birth or approximate age
• the approximate date and place of your last contact with the person and the circumstances
• last known address and any previous addresses known to you, including their home town
• name of schools or universities the person attended
• place of business, professional organizations and hobbies
• and names of family members, business associates and friends.

You may not have all these facts, but any combination of information you assemble may turn out to be key in locating the person. Record what you have and put in a secure binder so that you do not lose it. Keeping organized records makes it easier for you to progress in your search, as well as enlist the assistance of an investigator or genealogist.

Once you have written down all the facts you can think of, consider what physical items you might have that could be useful in locating the person, such as:

• birth certificates
• marriage licenses
• professional licenses
• military papers
• photographs
• letters in the person's handwriting
• and death certificates.

Make copies of all the documents, put them into your search binder and return the originals to a secure location in case you need them in the future.

Once you have put together all the basic facts along with documentation and photographs, jot down anything and everything you can think of about the person. Don't worry about making sense or whether your grammar is correct. Brainstorm and just let your thoughts flow for a page or two. What may seem to be ramblings at the time could later develop into an essential clue that helps to locate the missing person. Many people have been found because of what seemed to be an irrelevant tidbit, so don't hold anything back.

Now that you have explored your mind for every bit of information, talk to other people you know who also may have facts about the person you are searching for. Mutual friends and family members might know pertinent pieces of information that could help locate the person. As you speak with people, take careful notes of everything they tell you. No matter now small a piece of information seems to be, it could wind up being an important part of the investigation process. Memorialize all your conversations, make copies of the documents and photos given to you and put all the information garnered into your binder.

After reviewing everything you know and have, as well as speaking with everyone you know, you will have a valuable binder of information assembled. You can take this binder to a professional investigator and genealogist who will help you locate the long lost person and make initial contact. An investigator and genealogist has the knowledge and resources to maximize the information you provide to them, as well as deal with the sensitive situation of attempting a reunion once the person is found. Your carefully assembled binder of seemingly common knowledge holds the key to the wonderful journey of finding the person you are looking for.

The People Search, Your Emotions and the Need for a Counsellor

No matter what your reasons for wanting to find a long lost person, it is sure to be an all-encompassing, emotionally-charged experience. Looking for someone is not only a time-consuming, painstaking task, but it can incite a wealth of feelings within you along the way. Having the insight and support of a competent counsellor or understanding friend during your search for that special someone is an imperative part of staying strong and achieving your goal.

Discuss your feelings and ideas with a friend who cares about you and your desires to find that long lost person. When we share our thoughts, it helps to clarify our intentions and course of action. By simply conveying ideas to another person, you can gain clarity of purpose and gather important feedback about your plans. If you don't have such a person in your world, consider visiting message boards where you can connect with other like-minded folks and exchange experiences and feelings. Posting on a message board can not only help you find someone, but connect you to other people who are doing the same.

Although it is useful and reassuring to discuss your search plans with friends, there is no substitute for a trained counsellor. An investigator and genealogist will raise awareness about the needs and expectations of all parties to your search. Employing such a professional gives you access to the support of an investigator, counsellor and mediator along the way. An investigator and genealogist will help you explore your motives, organize your thoughts and information, locate that special someone and set up the initial contact. Having an investigator to act as a buffer can make a difficult situation easier to deal with.

Investigators and genealogists are impartial and understand the delicate nature of certain reunions. For example, adoption related searches can be particularly emotional and even traumatic. A mediator can explore your feelings with you and gently let you know when you may be expressing inappropriate intentions. Your life should be going well and you should be aware of every possible outcome at the onset of a search. A mediator will go over procedures and possibilities with you to make you feel comfortable along the way. If you are entertaining unrealistic fantasies or holding onto unresolved anger, a trained professional will get you past those emotions before initiating a full-blown search.

Using a mediator can also make the party your are trying to contact feel more comfortable. Sometimes just seeing your name will stir up a myriad of memories and emotions for that long lost person and having an impartial intermediary could make them feel better about establishing contact. By using the mediator's contact information, the person has a means of contacting you while maintaining their privacy which could mean the difference between establishing contact or not. If all goes well over time, the parties may decide to share their details and a positive connection will be made.

Investigators and genealogists are not only educated and experienced in locating missing people, they are trained to handle each case with sensitivity and care. Having a kind, dispassionate person to conduct research and discuss your feelings with along the way relieves you of the stress and anxiety of going it all alone. Searching for someone can be a lengthy, all-encompassing process, especially if you are personally involved.

Remember to stay connected with others as you search for that special someone. The support of friends and counsellors during this emotional time is an important part of keeping calm and purposeful during your search for a long lost person. Further, the ideas and input of your support network could mean the difference between organizing a joyous reunion or never locating that person at all.

Try the Telephone Directory

It is all too easy to forget the obvious. The humble telephone directory has a large number of names, numbers and addresses in it. The person you are looking for may be in it too.

Your local reference library will have all the directories for the United Kingdom and it won't take very long to search them all.

The only real snag with telephone directories is that the subject of your search may not be in it because:

• they do not have a land line
• they are ex-directory to protect their privacy
• they do have a phone, but it is registered under someone else's name

Have you noticed how each year the telephone directories get slimmer? This is because more people use mobile phones as their main phone and more people are ex-directory.

There are a host of Directory Enquiries services available for use by telephone. They all charge except from payphones.

There are free versions on the Internet such as:

http://www.bt.com/ or http://www.ukphonebook.com/ The only problem with these is that they want you to specify a location to search. You cannot simply type in "UK".

One service I use a lot is at http://b4usearch.com/ they have a People Search section where you can enter in a name and a location and if you are lucky up will come any Directory Enquiries information they may have. Along with it you will get any Electoral Register details that match. While there are limitations to this service, it is FREE and easy to use.

I will discuss the use of the Electoral Register at another time, but in the meantime - Happy Searching!

People Search with Google

When sitting at a computer, most people will sooner or later type their name into Google Search to see what will come up. Search engines are wonderful People Search tools. You may be lucky and get a hit straight away, but if not, do not give up just yet.

• Try changing the name to include their nickname.
• Try putting in their date of birth
• Try their old postcode
• Try their street name
• Try their telephone number
• Try the firm they worked for
• Try the club they were a member of
• Try their old school
• Try their church

I suspect that you would not have done all the above without finding something that could be of use in your search. Someone will know what happened to the person you are looking for and may be happy to help you.

The Internet is a wonderful resource for the People Finder and you should really try to use it in your searches.

It is interesting how helpful it can be with just a minimum of information. I have just typed in "Bed and breakfast in Such and Such Terrace" and found the place I was looking for in a couple of clicks of the mouse. Go on, give it a try!

Using Message-Posting Sites

On the Internet are several UK People Search sites where you can post messages to people you are trying to find. Here are links to a few of them:

http://www.who-remembers-me.com/
http://www.modreunited.com/
http://www.missing-you.net/index.php
http://www.lookupuk.com/main.html
http://www.friendsreunited.co.uk/
http://www.lostschoolfriends.co.uk
http://www.myoldmate.net/
http://www.roastbeef.co.uk/
http://www.alumni.net/Europe/United_Kingdom

In addition there is 'Lost Touch' on Teletext Page 151 on Channel 4

It is worthwhile thinking about using these reunion sites and posting your details and those of the people you seek. It is more powerful than just hoping that they may by chance read the posts. The search engines will pick up the names and should anyone put them into Google or any other search engine and up will come your posts. It's like magic!

How far away are they?

I am not a great one for statistics, but I believe that around 70% of moves are less than 5 miles away from their old address. So, although they may have moved to Australia or Canada, they could still be just around the corner from their previous home. This is worth remembering in your UK People Search.

First Step

The first step in any People Search is to collect together all the information you have about the person you are looking for. Information to write down could include:

• Their date of birth
• Their full name
• The address they lived at when you lost touch
• When was that?
• Names of any of their family
• Names of friends
• Their job
• Their hobbies
• The church they went to
• And anything else you can think of

Place all this information in a file and as you do your research you can add notes of any phone calls, visits, searches on the Internet and in the library. It is important to write everything down so that you can go back and check up on any facts you may have missed.

When you begin a People Search you never know how many corners you will have to turn before you find the person you are looking for.

How will they react when you find them?

This is a thorny one. When I first started in this business, I naively assumed that people would be pleased when I found them and let them know that I had been asked to find them by their family or friends. However, while some people are over joyed, this is not always the case.

When you begin a People Search you are dealing in very private, personal and sensitive information. It is understandable that some people become upset that you have been asking about them. It is important not to be excessive in your searches. It is also important not to use lies to try and get information out of people.

Remember that the person you are looking for may be very surprised that you found them and may take some time to get used to the idea of contact with you. It is obviously not in your interest that they be too prickly, so you should go very gently in the process of finding and contacting the subject of your search.

You might want to consider using a Mediation Service that can gently make contact for you and act as a go-between until you both feel ready to share your personal details.

What are your motives?

Before you begin any People Search it is really important to examine your reasons for wanting to find them.

Good Reasons might be:

• To discover your history
• To try for a reconciliation after an argument
• To renew an old friendship
• To meet with missing family members
• To search for birth family after adoption

In the commercial world most searches are to chase debts or to return money.

Bad Reasons might be:

• To find people when there has been a history of abuse or violence or when there is an injunction in place that you keep away.
• To get even
• To demand money
• To do harm
• To snoop
• To stalk

I have always refused jobs where I am uncomfortable about the motives of the searchers. These jobs have been:

• To trace a work colleague where obsession in the name of love is the motive
• To bring back errant wives
• To return a daughter who does not want to marry the husband chosen for her

I am sorry to raise this issue so early on, but it is very important to know your motives before you get carried away with the excitement of playing detective.

People Sources

If you cannot find the person you are looking for in the telephone directory or after a few searches on the Internet, then maybe you should think of asking some people who may have the information you are looking for.

You could ask family, neighbours, colleagues etc of the person you are looking for. If your reason for this People Search is a good one and your intentions are good, then you shouldn't feel uncomfortable about asking your questions.

You can contact these sources in a variety of ways:

• By telephone
• By letter
• By door to door enquiries

Just make you contact light and pleasant and you may get the contact details you are looking for. If they are at all reticent about giving information, then you could always ask that they forward a letter to the person you are seeking.

One thing is for sure - if you don't ask you don't get!

The Place of the Public Library in your People Searches

One of the oldest sources of information about people is the Public Library. It is still very useful and FREE to use. In addition to books, they have access to the Internet, which will be very useful if you do not have a Personal Computer at home.

In the Reference section of the Library you will find a host of extremely useful reference books that will be very helpful in your research. Here is a short list of books and publications you may want to use:

• Telephone directories for the whole country
• Maps of the whole country
• Encyclopedias
• Who's Who
• Directory of British Associations
• Various trade directories
• The current local Electoral Register

As you can see the library is a powerful source of information in any People Search.

While you are at the local library you could ask them where their Local Archive is. These archives will help you look into the past by looking at old directories and registers. This will help you identify when the person you are looking for left their old address.

You will generally find the staff in the libraries and archives to be very friendly and helpful. It is always worth explaining the nature of your search and asking for their help and advice. I will be looking further at using these resources in future posts.

Sources of Information - an overview.

In broad terms there 4 main sources of information open to those carrying out a People Search. They are:

1. People Sources: For any information you may be looking for there is bound to be someone who already has the answer. All you have to do is ask them what they know! With regards searching for people, you could ask their neighbours, their employer, their friends, the local postman and so on.
2. Written Sources: It is a sobering thought that each one of us leaves a long paper trail behind us. From our births until our deaths we are to be found in documents of all kinds. While some of these documents are private, many are publicly available such as birth, marriage and death certificates, the electoral register, the land register and finally our last will and testament.
3. Electronic Sources: The advent of computers and the World Wide Web has led to a whole new array of services and sources of information that can be accessed online or by CD Rom.
4. Surveillance: This is the evidence of your own eyes and ears. It is one of the tools of the Private Investigator and it may perhaps have its place in you own People Searches.

In future posts I will be looking more closely at all these sources of information so that you will be clear as to hoe to locate them and use them on your UK People Search.

Are You Looking For Someone?

Here is a little bit of advice for those thinking of searching for missing family or friends.

I specialise in finding people. It is my job and my expertise. Whoever you are looking for, whether it is an old army buddy, a former sweetheart or old school friends - I can find them for you. I also trace missing beneficiaries and witnesses for solicitors.

What is involved?
This kind of work combines the skills of the genealogist with that of the investigator, but unlike the genealogist my aim is to find living people if I can. This might involve looking at adoption papers to trace the birth family of someone who was adopted as a child. Sometimes my researches can take me way back in time to the early 19th century to look at great grandparents before I can go forward again to the present day to catch all the family I am searching for. Jobs for solicitors are usually concerned with probate and may involve looking for any relatives who could inherit the estate of someone who has died without leaving a will or where the beneficiaries cannot be found.

Go gently:
You have to be sensitive to other people’s feelings as it routinely involves dealing with delicate and private matters where any clumsiness could cause a great deal of distress. It is my usual practice to act as a go-between in initial contacts, especially where a prickly or hostile response is to be expected. On many occasions, the client is attempting to make contact again many years after a family feud has severed all ties.

Why I do it:
It is most rewarding work and it is pleasant to help people with a reunion. Life is short and we all have the right to try to find the people that matter to us before it is too late. It is enjoyable doing this kind of family research and it can be quite thrilling when the person you are looking for is found.

How it is done:
The work is painstaking rather than particularly hard. It is all too easy to be swept away in the excitement and start tracking down the wrong person or family. The important thing is to check and recheck all information and look for corroborative evidence at every stage.

The first task is to look at all the information you have. It is always a good idea to write down everything and to ask for any family stories about the person they are looking for. These little snippets of information can seem of dubious value, but they can also provide the clues necessary to solve the mystery.

Sources:
Much time is spent in archives and in libraries. I am lucky to be based near the Family Records Centre in London where it is easy to look up and order birth, marriage and death certificates for the people I am researching. Much use is made of old electoral registers at the London Metropolitan Archives and at the British Library. Old telephone directories can be studied at the BT Archives and nearby at the Probate Registry you can look up and order wills.

Some investigation is carried out on the Internet and using databases on CD Rom. It is amazing what can be learned with the use of a PC and a search engine like Google.

Nearly there:
Sooner or later it is time to use those old-fashioned investigative skills on the telephone or by writing carefully scripted letters to possible relatives. Here is where it is an advantage to employ a researcher to find people, because it is all too easy to frighten them off when you get in touch. They need to be approached gently and given time to get used to the idea of this new contact. They may need to talk with their family and decide whether or not to go any further. Remember, their family may not even know of your existence and you don’t want your sudden arrival to be a nasty shock to them.

Mediation:
For a while it can be useful for the investigator to act as a go-between offering their address for both parties to use until they decide it is ok to take it further. If a meeting is planned it is wise to make it at a neutral location somewhere between their homes. Much like going on a first date, it is best to be careful and not expect too much too soon.

It should be remembered that any search and reunion is bound to be stressful. It is always a good idea to wait until things are reasonably stable in your life before embarking on this kind of journey and it is helpful to have a close friend, relative or a caring partner who can offer support to you over the times of misery and joy that such a search can bring.

Getting help:
Whenever you feel ready to find out what happened to the people missing from your life, I suggest that you shop around a bit before deciding on a researcher to help you. Check that they are a member of a trade organisation like the Association of British Investigators (ABI) or the Association of Genealogists and Researchers in Archives (AGRA). That way you can be sure that they are working to a code of practice. Try also to find out what the job is going to cost you and then agree a budget for them to work to. There is nothing wrong with being business like. That way you can be sure that you can afford their services and there will be no unpleasantness.

Finally:
Feel free to drop me a line if I can be of any help in your search. I hope that your reunion is a happy one.

Giles Higgitt
Blood-Ties Tracing Service
http://www.blood-ties.com
Email: info@blood-ties.com